Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Dear Baby,

I am 17 weeks pregnant with you at this point and my dear, it has been quite the ride. Pregnancy has not been as difficult as I thought it would be. Maybe I am already forgetting the never ending nausea of the first trimester and the uncontrollable tiredness that has comes with having you grow inside my belly, but it really hasn't been too bad. Maybe I am just realizing all the good that is going to come out of this, outweighs the bad. I can't wait to kiss your feeties and rub your little chubby legs with lotions!

It's funny, people don't tell you a lot of things about pregnancy. They don't tell you, you still have the responsibilities you had before and even though you are black out tired. They don't tell you you might be growing tummy hair or that your teeth are going to bleed every time you brush them. They don't tell you one moment you will want to cry because you want to see your baby so badly, you just want them here now.... and the next moment you are scared to death because in 5 months everything is going to change. I just want to be a good mom to you and hopefully having had four younger siblings to take care of most of my life should help a little. Weird, I guess those guys will be your aunts and uncles. That is going to be a fun thing to get used to saying. 

There are a few things I don't want you to worry about. I just want you to grow and be strong okay?  The first thing is we found out that I am a carrier of cystic fibrosis. We don't need to worry yet though, because you can not get the disease unless Jared also has the gene. Our midwives are going to draw his blood in a couple weeks to see if he too is a carrier. (He is pretty scared about that, he doesn't like blood.) Chances are everything is going to be okay, but I need to ask one little thing from you. If our midwife needs to do an amnio on me to check on you, DON'T TOUCH THE NEEDLE! Oh my gosh that freaks me out so bad! Just don't go anywhere near a needle if you happen to see one. I don't want'cha getting poked! I'd feel horrible! However, they probably wont have to do that, but I figured you might need some warning. The second thing is we are having an ultra sound ultra soon! I hope this does not effect you negatively in any way. It will brief and there have been no studies showing negative effects for human babies. (Just whale babies, ummm, I'll show you what a whale is later!) And the third and final thing is your birth. I know you will know when the time is right, even if I have fantasies of having you here before Halloween, I can wait until you feel it's GO TIME. I am not afraid of having you at all actually. I am really quite calm about it. Bodies are amazing things and I hope to participate as much as possible, however if things get complicated don't worry. All that matters is you get here safe.

Eight weeks from conception I felt you move, no one believed me but I knew it was you. I knew your eyes, ears, and fingers had not developed yet, but I hoped you could feel how much I already loved you. I hope you know I honestly am going to try my hardest to do what is right for you and know that is not what is necessarily right for me. A lot of people have been, and are going to continue telling me how to do things for a long time. Young people here don't get a lot of credit for being wise or making the "right" decision, but don't worry kid. I got yo back. :) 

So in ending, whether you are a Miss Sparrow, or Mr. Onyx just know the world can't wait to meet you.


Your mother.

1 comment:

  1. I don't know you personally, and I know you know me even less, but wanted to let you know that this writing is beautiful! My babies are now 26 and 22 and I still love them the way you speak of in this blog. I started journals for each of them when they were in my womb and kept it until they graduated from high school. Just filled it with all kinds of personal things like you have here. Both of them cried when I gave it to them as adults. Write these things down, give them to your precious first born when they are old enough to really "get" what it was to be their mother! Good luck as you find that this love is the only unconditional love that really exists, that between a mother and her babies!