Sunday, May 13, 2012

All The Swimsuits I Am NOT Buying This Summer...

... and all of the winter onesies I WILL be buying make me one happy lady. 

(Is it just me or does my arm looks like a crazy chicken leg!?)

Truthful Sunday Time!

Right after Jared and I married, I almost instantly wanted kids which leaving me totally confused, because I am NOT that person. I never wanted to get married or have kids, but who comes along but a certain blue eyed (he says green eyed, we have debates about this) super attractive best friend, ready to shake up any life plans I thought I had. I had dreams of moving to Seattle, attending an art school, going into the fashion industry, sewing wedding dresses and selling them at high prices so I could travel and eat all sorts of exotic foods month after month. (Run on sentence much? Hehe) However at some point I suppose I had to choose. I was enjoying being single and free and knew that if Jared and I starting courting it was a done deal, we were as good as married. I chose him. After all there is no amount of good foods, money, and new places that can compare to that "complete" feeling you feel when you are in love. Plus I can still share these things with him in my life.

After we got married I wanted a child so badly, sometimes I would just cry, sometimes I would want to scream, or be alone and sit in the lonely little miserable world I was creating. Truth was, I have a really good life so there was nothing to be sad about. I just could not let it go. Like so many before me I felt the spirit of this child long before she (or he) was conceived. It's such a frustrating thing to feel, let alone try to explain to someone.

So when I learned I was pregnant I was so ready. I felt empowered and brave, I could do anything and everything. During the entire first trimester I was SO sick, but I felt like I could take on the world. So why is it now, 15 weeks in I realize, oh dear God, I am terrified! I have so many things rushing through my head. I've read this is just some pre-baby jitters and it's best I get them now so I can sort out my fears by the time baby arrives, but right now I am at the top of the roller coaster, afraid, and moving fast. I guess all that is left to do is let go, take the plunge and smile at the end of the day.

All is love. 

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